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Over the last couple of days I’ve been accused of portraying my wife in a bad light on this site. I’ve received two emails from her covering a number of points and at times accusing me of saying things to others that I’ve not said.

I did consider posting the emails here verbatim so that her side in all of this could be read by you, as I’ve been accused of distorting the truth and only allowing people to see my side on things and not hers. I won’t though as that would only exacerbate the situation and that’s something I don’t want to do.

From the analytics logs of my site she has spent the best part of two hours [as of the time of writing this post] going through my site over the last couple of days. This from someone who “came across” my site while she was on Twitter.

Why spend that much time if she knows I’ll say what I want anyway? Why did she not just see my Twitter profile on Marina’s – as this is the most likely place she found it – and then just ignore it? Why did she feel the need to click through to my profile and then go to my site, spending no inconsiderable amount of time going through the archived posts? And this after she’d looked at my profile on Linkdin the other month, something I’d not used in years and had never updated since the day I signed up; it’s been deleted now.

During the time she spent going through this site she clearly found a couple of bones of contention. To be honest, I try not to mention her on here as I’ve tried to make sure it’s a place not bogged down by the past. This, I think, I’ve managed quite well over the past ten months it’s been in existence. Obviously, because of what’s gone on between us, sometimes this spills out but I don’t think I’ve been over the top or nasty with anything I may have said. Clearly she feels differently and has felt the need to defend her corner?

I was going to spend some time responding to her points but at the end of the day what would that gain me? Nothing, that’s what. It would appear that on a number of things she has extrapolated them in a highly improbable manner, clearly based on the premiss that I spend a lot of time talking about her to my friends, which I don’t, well, not until something like this comes along that is.

Since receiving the emails I’ve been really down and I’ve thought long and hard about what I wanted to do next. I stopped using the Swagatam site because of what was. I stopped using the Smile site for the same reason. I put this site together for it to be a more positive place for me to come and write, and since she sent the emails these past couple of days I’ve felt like that had been taken away from me. Being honest, I think that was the worst part of this sorry saga. I could handle [just] being accused of saying things I’d not but the thought of losing this place was almost too much. That may sound sad but it really does help coming here and writing. I don’t care if anyone reads it, it just helps getting things out sometimes.

I always knew that there would be a chance she would find this site but I am completely mystified as to why she felt the need to go through the site reading quite a large proportion of the content on here? Does she really think I spend my time thinking about, talking about and writing about her? I’ve got better things to do thanks.

So, after a lot of soul searching and threatening to myself to completely lock this site down, only allowing signed-in users to read my posts, I’ve decided to carry on using it. To carry on writing what I feel, see, do, enjoy; this is what I am and if you don’t like it then don’t come back and don’t read what I have to say! It’s as simple as that.

To lock the site down would be to admit that I was doing something wrong, something that should be kept behind closed doors and that most definitely is not the case.

I don’t think a time will ever come that I would be able to make a slight comment related to her that she wouldn’t get on the defensive about. In her mind I clearly have demonised her to everyone we ever knew and this I can honestly say is most definitely not the case. She’ll never believe that but I know, and those who know me know. Anybody else? Who cares – life’s too fucking short!