Today is not a good day. I say today, what I should have said was last night, this morning, this afternoon…I think you get the idea. The clouds have descended and I’m struggling to see through them to the light above.
I don’t like feeling like this and it makes it hard to remember – and more importantly realise – what a great time I’ve had recently. What makes it worse is the fact that a lot of why I’m feeling the way I am is nothing new and the rest, well, that was brought on by the nightmare round trip to drop the girls off yesterday.
The bottom line is I need to find a way of not letting things that are out of my control get to me so much. Obviously I don’t mean that I don’t ever not want to get upset or down for missing my two little angels as that would not only be impossible but it wouldn’t be healthy. I mean the other “that’s life” things that come along, like for example the stupid drivers and the damn M25 yesterday!
So where am I going with this? One way for me to try and get past things like that is to remember the good things, those good times I’ve had, to remind myself that life is good…no, life is great…and to write about them so that I never forget about them. But there-in lies the problem: a lot of the things that I’ve been up to to make life so good can’t be written about until I right a very big wrong, and this is where I’m going with this.
I don’t know why it’s taken so long for me to reach this point, where I need to say what needs to be said. I think a lot of it is based on an inner fear. I’ve been afraid of what people might think. I’ve been afraid of what people might say. I’ve been afraid that if I put it out there then this thing becomes “real” and therefore could be broken or could go wrong. This fear comes from the very real belief that I’m not supposed to be happy, a belief I’ve had for a very, very long time; a long time before my wife and I got together that’s for sure, which clearly wasn’t helped when she did what she did.
“What on Earth are you going on about?” I hear you ask? Well, the long and short of it is the great news that I’m seeing someone; someone wonderful, someone amazing, someone who actually likes me for who I am. I never thought this would happen after everything that’s happened but it has and I couldn’t be happier because of it!
I guess if you’ve visited this post from Facebook, or if you’ve been paying close attention on here, then you may well have already had an idea that something might be going on but here it is, the official word: I am seeing Shelli!
Phew…it’s out there now so hopefully this will be a weight lifted from my shoulders and that I’ve put right that wrong?
We’ve been seeing each other a while now. Close family and friends knew fairly early on and some others have found out along the way but I guess for some people this has been no surprise at all. Hey, my fear got the better of me but it’s out there now right?
One thing I will stress here is neither my girls or her girls – she’s got two girls too – know about us and that, for the time being, is how we want it to stay. It’s still early[ish] days and both her girls and mine have been through a lot in recent times and I for one don’t want to add to all that at the moment.
They will find out in time but for now they don’t need to know so please respect our decision and don’t do/say anything to them – or in fact from my perspective to my wife or her family – until the time comes when I say on here that they’re now in the know. I want to be the one to tell Alice and Elisa when the time is right and I will not be happy if I am not allowed that wish!
So there it is. The next chapter in my life has well and truly started and we’ll see where this takes us. Let the good times roll and – finally – let the sun break through the clouds!